It was a nice breezy evening. There was a live jazz band band playing in the background. We were all having dinner at a friend’s party on the terrace of his house. it was all just perfect! except for one little thing... the food was vegetarian !!!
Now vegetarian food doesnt suit me all that well... but sometimes you just gotta put up with somethings in life..The party went on and we all had fun. eventually the party ended and we all headed home, I was with a friend in his car. Now on our way back we were passing by residency road and outside the Catholic club I see a banner that reads, “The grill masters club…. You need not be a member to attend. Theme for today’s meeting “Stop the atrocities, Stop the killing!!” That caught my attention so thought why not go inside and have a look… and lo!behold! What do I see inside?
All the vegetables that you can think of sitting in a public speaking forum and having an impromptu speech contest about atrocities on vegetables. The eggplant was sitting there peacefully in his bright shiny purple long coat. The baby corn in his cute lil green baba suit, the peppers in their usual bright colors red green yellow. Miss Lady Finger in her gracefully draped green saree. The cauliflower was grabbing all the attention after her recently released blockbuster where she was paired with potato in the evergreen Alu Gobi pair.... and guess who walked in wearing an "I hate Popeye" at this "Stop the atrocities" meet.... Spianch...Mr potato and miss onion flirting in one corner trying to cook up a spicy gossip and carrot and radish feeling jealous. Mr Green Cabbage was sitting with his pretty wife Purple.
And when I entered, believe it or not if looks could kill I would’ve been dead. Every single vegetable in there was staring at me as if I was some murderer, guilty of genocide.
Ah and then the contest began.. topic was “atrocities I witnessed with my fellow vegetables”… And then began one after another painfully vivid and touching stories of atrocities. Did you know, baby corns are the most common victims of infanticide. Vegetable names are only used as insults –“The couch potato”! offensive jokes are made about their death - what did one vegetable say to another - I ll see you on the chopping board!! The egg plant is burnt alive to make something they call baigan ka bharta. Or sometimes even chopped and thrown in hot oil .. only to feed to some glutton vegetarians never ending hunger. But the worst is the cucumber… it is stripped naked and then chopped into little pieces. Even when they make fun of their mothers they dont spare the vegetables .. yo momma thought square roots were vegetables ... I mean who does that? How cruel can we get in the name of vegetarianism and then glorify it! And we speak of it as if we’re so considerate that we don’t eat chickens, but kill plants instead. What kind of justice is this.
I was just thinking about all this when someone knocks me from the side and says “Dude, what happened?? Vegetables haunting your dreams. ? ha ha”.
Yes that was my friend. Yes I had dozed off in the car. And yes I had a dream a rather scary one about atrocities on vegetables. And that really got me thinking about how we conveniently think killing plants is ok. So next time someone calls me a vegetarian im not going to say “proud to be”… im only going to be able to say “guilty as charged” …
